DRUNK Talk – Did He Mean What he said?

DRUNK Talk - Did He Mean What he said

How many times have you been talking to a guy and wondered… is this guy drunk?

Or… Am *I* drunk??

You’re wondering… Did he actually SAY that?

Or – Did I actually say that?

Or… the worst: Did I TEXT that? And how do I cancel it?

Let’s sit down and have a little heart to heart about this – and I will also tell you whether or not you can believe what that GUY said to you when under the influence.

“No, really babe…you’re totally hot…”

First of all, they’ve actually studied this under a microscope and have some science-y explanations for you… Don’t worry – it’s going to be totally understandable…

The easy answer is that everything he was saying was the truth…


You see, it’s all part of the decision making process. We have to CHOOSE to say the things we do.

We all know that alcohol lowers the inhibitions.

Your drunk ramblings – and HIS – are simply the things you’re thinking. Unfiltered.

So when alcohol hits you, it doesn’t make you act like a jerk – it just makes you care a whole lot less.

We all have a social “alarm system” that gets triggered when you make a social mistake. Alcohol will lower that alarm volume.

So you know what you’re doing, but you don’t get a signal to back down or self-censor.

Careful when you get your drink on – you never know what might tumble out…

Now, what does this mean for HIM?

What does this mean about what he says to you?

Well, it’s mostly the truth.

BUT – here’s what else you need to know –

There are 5 reasons we do what we do when we’ve had a few drinks:

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ While Drinkin’ Reason 1: Social Lubrication

We use alcohol to help lower our social inhibitions. It’s always easier to have a conversation when you don’t worry so much about yourself or what you’re saying.

In studies where they examine this phenomenon, they discovered that it is very common for people to respond more slowly following an error, as a way of trying to regain self-control.

“Mission abort, mission abort!”

This is something we all do because we’re keenly focused on how people perceive us.

Alcohol isn’t about your inability to control your actions, but your general disinterest in what his actions and words mean. And your reflexes aren’t there to catch some of the mistakes you – or he – might make.

For the rest of what I’m about to explain, we’re going to assume this guy hasn’t gotten full on drunk, but maybe had a few and is nicely … uh, lubricated.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ While Drinkin’ Reason 2: Logistics

Intoxicated communication is sometimes used in order to meet up and make plans with others. And very often to see what others were doing.

“Dude, I could really go for some waffles right now…”

This is usually the primary reason we’re communicating in the first place.

So if he makes wild plans with you while under the influence, keep in mind that they might not be as serious as he makes them sound. You’re probably going to have to verify those again when he’s sober.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ While Drinkin’ Reason 3: Emotional Confession

Many people who’ve had a few calls to tell a friend or romantic interest that they love and/or miss them. Sometimes telling them things that are a bit more embarrassing.

“I just love you, baby… when can we get together?”

And you check your clock: 3:43 AM.

Hey, if you want some late night lovin’, go for it. But a date will have to wait.

Yes, this is also probably where some guys think that sending you a picture of his trouser buddy will turn you on. Which it rarely ever does.

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“Well, that photo’s…interesting…”

It’s a kind of ‘confession’ you can do without.

Yeah, it’s definitely the product of distorted reasoning.

Another not-so-great effect of drinking is that you or he might awaken a deep hurt or grievance that suddenly feels like it needs to be expressed. Probably not a great idea, so watch out when fishing into your own emotional backstory.

Yeah, it’s probably linked directly to those moments where you see guys crying, hugging, as they howl: “I love you man…”

Or when a group of girls is crying, hugging, as they howl: “I love you ssssooooo mushhhh…”

They’ve MRI scanned the brains of people to see how our brains respond to alcohol. What they’ve seen is that some people become relatively unaffected, while others make a complete transformation.

Sometimes more friendly and loving, sometimes angry and monstrous.

What happens is that certain personality systems are shut down, and others are lit up and released.

“Oh, you had to bring that up, didn’t you???”

So you need to be wary of the person you think he is when he’s proclaiming his everlasting love to you from under your window.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ While Drinkin’ Reason 4: Entertainment

Very frequently we just want to pull people into what’s happening, and usually that’s some inebriated antics.

You’ve probably seen a bunch of YouTube cautionary tales that didn’t end well for the person in them. Whether it’s taking a fall, or lighting a fire on some body part, the hilarity ensues.

“Uh huh huh huh…”

And if something happens while you’re there to see it, that is also cause to text or share.

He might share a link or a video with you, but that’s just him in entertainment mode. Nothing for you to interpret here.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ While Drinkin’ Reason 5: Get it on!

Yep, a lot of drunk texting and calling is due to the primal need to get sexual. It’s been this way since the start of time.

I can imagine there were cavemen and cave-women that were texting with cave paintings at one time. A few grunts, and some fermented fruit and it was game ON.

So there is usually a very big lowering of inhibitions when it comes to our most primal desire.

But what YOU have to watch out for is impulsiveness that might lead to regret later on. No unprotected sex, or you might have many more problems later on.

“Consequences, schmonsequences…wheeee!”

You gotta keep a lid on the alcohol if you’re feeling particularly randy at that time.

But in the end, it’s all about reduced inhibitions.

Alcohol makes us lose our guard and forget our worries. So we’ll say what we think or feel, instead of holding back out of fears of being rejected.

And it bypasses the games.

Which means that he’s going to tell you his real feelings…

… at that moment.

When he’s sober later, he might want to raise his embarrassment shields again, so be prepared for that. Don’t go reciting everything back to him that he said as gospel.

Sometimes we do lower our standards a bit when we’ve had a few drinks, and sometimes that’s a GOOD thing! It’s really easy to be too critical of others as a way to defend ourselves against possible rejection as well.

Lowering that barrier is a fine line to walk – proceed with caution…

So remember that drinking and romancing comes with a different kind of responsibility, and you have to be prepared when it happens. He may be telling the truth of his feelings while he’s drunk – but if he doesn’t stay drunk, you’re not in a better situation.

If you want to get to the core of how he really feels without the need for alcohol to lower his defenses, I’d like to humbly suggest another alternative.

Why not work on your attraction skills and make him intoxicated just by your presence alone?

Who needs booze when you can pull him into your gravitational well of IRRESISTIBLE charm?

Most of the women I’ve helped in the past are afraid with the very thought that they could wield that kind of power over men. They were stuck in that too-good-to-be-true mindset until they learned to break free from it with my help.

And you can learn the same thing, too – just check out this free presentation I put together.

Dating and drinking aren’t always the most reliable of combinations – I say that from personal experience (and the multitude of regrets that come with it). You’re better off building a solid connection on more stable ground, like say, mutual attraction and respect.

It’s easier than you think – go here NOW to find out how to create irresistible desire as early as TODAY.

How To STOP Attracting The Wrong Guys – 5 Simple Steps

How To STOP Attracting The Wrong Guys – 5 Simple Steps

If you’re finding that you’ve been attracting the wrong guys – or you just can’t attract the guy you want, it’s time to change your tactics.

A big part of my philosophy of life is that if you just STOP doing the stuff that isn’t working or is keeping you from what you want, you’ll get the success you desire.

how to get a guy to like you
You can’t have a bad relationship if you don’t date losers…

Because very often all this other negative stuff is keeping you from seeing the path to what you desire.

This works for happiness, love, money, and so much more in life.

I thought it was important to help you understand that if you just work on “changing your scent” a bit, you’ll find that you can attract a completely different kind of guy.

(And no, I’m not talking about your perfume.)

So with that in mind, let’s talk about how to do this right…

Stop attracting losers – STEP 1: KNOW what kind of man you DO want

The simple fact is that most women don’t know what kind of guy they really want. And so they settle for just any kind of guy out there.

This is the first step to relationship disaster. You can avoid a ton of unfulfilled expectations and disappointment by just making the effort to consider what you want in a guy.

Remember, failing to plan is planning to fail…

To get you started, here are a few things you should think about. This isn’t an exhaustive list of course, but it will point you in the right direction:

  • What are the qualities you’re looking for?
  • What kind of education?
  • What should he look like? (If that matters)
  • What does he believe?
  • What are his values?

I do want to remind you that chemistry takes care of itself. And simple sexual attraction can often blind us to the things we really want and need in a partner.

Don’t seek physical qualities. The truth is that women are much more flexible in terms of physical appearance in men than men typically are of women.

But the truth is the same for both genders: We fall for people who just “click” with us.

The problem is that if you haven’t defined that “click”, you will likely just end up with someone who gives you that quick shot of happy chemistry.

DO YOU KNOW YOU? STEP 2: What do YOU bring to the relationship?

If you don’t know what it is you’re bringing to the table, it’s very easy to fall for anyone that comes along. Knowing the kind of value you add to a relationship will help you figure out which kind of guys you WANT to attract.

So another round of soul-searching is in order. To get started, think about what you want out of a relationship.

Don’t be afraid to know (and go after) what you want…

For instance, you probably feel that your relationship should

  • Fit your lifestyle
  • Fit your beliefs
  • Align with your values
  • ENHANCE your life
  • Have shared interests
  • Help you grow as a person

Once you go through this process, you’ll probably ask yourself an important question:

Have you been changing yourself to accommodate the relationship? –

or is it the other way around?

From here, you’ll be closer to knowing your contribution. That’s because you’ll have a much clearer idea of the way you want your relationship to work.

  • Do you want “equality”?
  • Do you want a specific role within the relationship?
  • Do you need a particular communication style?
  • Do you prefer a certain way to resolve conflicts?
  • Do you absolutely need to agree with everything – or are you willing to accept some differences between you two?
  • Do you require a certain level of emotional closeness at some point in your relationship?

There are so many questions to ask yourself, but it’s critical to know for yourself what you need in your relationship dynamic.

There is a lot to learn from the past, so don’t hesitate to take some time to reflect on your past relationships. Most women won’t go there, mostly to avoid awakening old emotions and regrets.

There might be some lingering pain, but you will learn more if you don’t avoid looking back on your previous romances.

Pain can be your greatest teacher…

After this going through this little journey, you should be able to answer this next question:

What’s your “value statement” that would make your “brand” irresistible?

You have a unique combination of strengths and talents that give a relationship a kind of flair that no one else can. Think about your qualities and how they add to the relationship, and from there you’ll be able to come up with something like this:

“I love to travel and learn from other cultures. That makes me a well-rounded woman who’s not afraid to go out of her comfort zone and take on new challenges. I’m also very expressive verbally and emotionally. That makes me naturally good at communicating clearly and avoiding any misunderstandings. I am a fan of personal growth, and that makes a supportive partner who wants to grow in a relationship together with my man.”

It can be longer or shorter than that example above, but make sure it captures the essence of your best traits and how it translates into being a great girlfriend – or eventual spouse.

Where is he hiding? STEP 3: Take a look at where you go…

Certain men will go to certain places in his spare time or recreational time. High-quality men with a desire to get into a relationship will probably not be going to the same places as the not-as-desirable guys.

BUT – there may be an overlap.

Some guys just don’t know of any other place to go other than singles bars. So they go there, expecting great things, and keep running into the wrong people for them.

It’s a meat market where no woman over 30 feels very comfortable, which means bars and clubs are just not a great route.

Whoops, wrong turn…

Yes, some good guys will be found there on occasion, but more likely he’s looking in a different place.

Here’s where men typically go to meet quality women and a real relationship:

  • Online dating: Yes, they still do this, and yes, there are quality men to be found. The problem most women have online dating is that they don’t know how to navigate the system to get the good guys. They’re just avoiding the ones that just joined to share their latest dick-pic. It takes a bit of skill to find the better candidates, as it would anywhere in life.

Think of the ones you don’t want as “dating spam.” Unavoidable, but manageable with the right method. And it has the advantage of being a “target rich environment” – meaning that there is simply going to be a higher number of available men online dating than others places you go to.

So you’re trading convenience for a more concentrated environment.

I know from personal experience that most women hate this method of meeting men – which means that you have an opportunity here if you can put aside your prejudices and just work it.

  • Pursuits of Passion: The guy you’re looking for will probably be busy doing what makes him happy – his hobbies and interests. This means you’ll probably find him engaged in a sport, or taking a class, or doing the stuff that makes him happy.

Hobbies make you a more interesting person – and if you don’t have any yourself (Netflix doesn’t count), you’re missing a huge opportunity.

Once in a while is OK, just don’t make a habit of it…

Besides, men want women who have a sense of self. And doing what YOU enjoy will bring you together on common ground.

  • Volunteer work: Another great way to meet someone involved with a passion – because there is nothing more connecting to the heart than working for a cause you believe in. Someone working their charity is going to be vested in their work. And this allows you to bypass the B.S. to find a man working from his compassion.

What’s he picking up on? STEP 4: Send the Right Signals…

Men are keen receivers of subtle signals that you might take for granted. It may not look like it sometimes, but we have that radar silently running in the background (and we might not be even aware of it either!).

Most women would be stunned to know what men can sense in a relationship. We might lack some emotional awareness, but we do pick up on signals.

Think about the kind of signals that broadcast your inner state to the world.

Ask yourself – do you send these signals…

  • With your clothes?
  • With your choice of words during a conversation?
  • With the tone of your voice?
  • With your body language and poise?
  • With your facial expressions?
  • With the way you make eye contact?

Everyone gives off a “vibe” – and you need to know what yours is. People on the same wavelength as you will pick up on your specific vibe.

“Birds of the same feather” and all that…

And if you find that you attract a certain kind of guy most of the time, you’re either spending too much time in their environment, or you’re giving off a scent they just can’t resist.

Here are some of the wrong signals:

  • Desperation: This is frequently communicated through fearful “I can’t lose you” behavior. And yes, men often interpret this from the most innocent of your actions. (If you haven’t found out why, you owe it to yourself to click here and get the Connection Code)
  • Neediness: this is Desperation’s little sister. It comes out in small ways all the time. Especially when the connection between you and a man is threatened in any way. Women thrive on connection and intimacy, and it’s hard to feel grounded when you see signals that he might be pulling away. Which is why you must conquer those fears.
  • Detached and disconnected: You want to not come across as TOO needy – but on the other hand you don’t want to send out a message of “stay away.” Some women are unaware of how UN-interested they appear when men engage them. There’s a big difference between hard-to-get and hard-to-want. You have to be open and friendly, even if you think this guy *might* be a turkey. Otherwise, you risk closing yourself off and creating an energy of “keep away!”
  • Overtly Sexual: On the other side of the detached energy is a “too friendly” energy that invites in every guy. It’s a fine line to walk and sometimes, it’s hard to be discriminating. You do want to be open and easy to talk to, but you also want to show that you have boundaries and a balanced energy. The rule I give is that you want to be sexually feminine, without trying to be too “sexualized.”

And – finally….

Finding Mr. Right, Avoiding Mr. Wrong – STEP 5: Do you know what he’s looking for …?

Honestly, a big part of finding the right man (and avoiding the wrong one) is appealing to a man’s desire for a long-term, committed relationship.

Here’s the Truth: Almost ALL men want a committed relationship.

You might think, “But none of the guys I’ve dated has wanted that!”

I know you’ve gone through this before, but hear me out…

Until you run into him a few months or years later and BOOM – the same guy is married with kids.

WTF?? What happened?

It happens because of the UGLY part of that Truth I just shared. Yes, men want commitment – but here’s what most women don’t realize:

Men pull away when they sense that you’re ONLY looking for a commitment.

On top of that, you also need to make him FEEL certain things. This will put him in a place where he’s READY to make that commitment.

In other words, he doesn’t want a woman that’s on the hunt for a committed relationship ALONE. He’s looking for a woman who ALSO wants to give him what HE needs so that he will feel safe giving what he can give to you.

A man has an incredible capacity to provide for a woman. Not just financial support, but also provide a safe and loving connection in the relationship.

But you have to know how to let him know that you’re the RIGHT kind of woman.

Don’t be jaded – no matter how many times it didn’t work out…

Unfortunately, this is something that most women don’t know how to do anymore.

But it’s not your fault!

Moms in the last 20-40 years or so haven’t been shown this skill. And fathers dropped the ball, too, failing to train men in how to “man up” and be men.

Back in the 1970s, when everyone was fanatically talking about “women’s liberation”, a gradual shift occurred.

Moms started holding back on showing women how to use their heart-centered natural skill of loving femininity. And we’re starting to slide back into this distraction from the REAL empowerment of women.

If you want to know the shocking truth about what men really want in a relationship…

…and how you are uniquely positioned to create the romance of a lifetime – I have a presentation that will help you discover the Truth you’ve been missing out on.

It’s the missing piece of the love and dating puzzle you didn’t know you needed until now. CLICK HERE to find out how to get the commitment you want without pushing him away.

Is It Okay To Date A Male Co-worker?

Is It Okay To Date A Male Co-worker

You work beside some people for 8 hours or more per day.

For some people, that’s more time than they spend with their family – or even their significant other…

Especially if you’re just dating someone.

So with over 2000 working hours in a year, and if you measure the average date at about 4 hours – you got yourself 500 dates worth of time spent with them.

how to get a guy to like you
It’s pretty much impossible NOT to feel something…

OF COURSE you’re going to fall for a co-worker eventually. Or at least form a tiny bit of a crush on them.

But is it okay?

Is it acceptable to even date someone you met at work?

Look – you might not know the dirty scandalous truth about me, but I’ll tell you a little story that will set your mind at ease:

A few years back, in 2007 to be exact, I was a martial arts instructor for a very popular school in the Foster City, CA, area.

I came in one afternoon to overhear a conversation between the Chief Instructor and one of the parents I’d seen at the school. She was starting classes herself and wanted to choose me as her teacher.

Well, of course, I was flattered.

And within several classes, we were dating.


Now, she wasn’t a coworker, but she was pretty darn close to that level of professional boundary that I had to give it some serious thought.

how to meet a guy

Should I…?

Shouldn’t I…?

And eventually, the heart won over the head.

The rest is history… Jen won my heart and we’re now married with two fantastic kids. (Ever notice how no one ever says “yeah, we’re married with two really annoying kids”? Just a funny notion…)

I look back on that and think that it was worth it. But there were plenty of times I dated coworkers where the relationship DIDN’T work out.

I’ll talk more about how those were handled in a bit, but the point is that ALL of your relationships except the guy you marry or stay with forever will “not work out.”

That doesn’t make those relationships “failures” just because they ended. They were all opportunities to grow and mature into the relationship that does work.

Hey, that’s the way the love game is played.

When you’re thrown into a close working relationship with someone, it’s a bit like having a really intense, personal kind of date with someone. Especially if they bring their emotions to the job.

In an office relationship, you can relate to the struggles someone faces all through the day.

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“Yup, looks like we’re in for another crap day at work…” (wink-wink… nudge-nudge…)

That’s not easy to do with a spouse or partner who works in a different company or field.

Or doesn’t work with you at all.

So with that, let’s review a few of the things to know BEFORE you step into the messy situation of dating a co-worker…

HEADS UP! Coworker Dating Tip 1: NEVER date your supervisor or subordinate

This is just BAD bad bad. To the tenth degree.

If it’s a romance you want to pursue, you need to arrange to either leave that organization or get transferred to a different department.

The reasons are pretty self-evident. There’s a power in this kind of arrangement that makes it very dangerous for both involved.

relationship tips for women
Is this really what you want…?

It’s a kind of power structure that can warp the emotional foundation of a healthy relationship.

And possibly put your career and job in jeopardy

People will see the bias there, even if there is no favoritism going on.

WATCH OUT! Coworker Dating Tip 2: Know Your Company’s Policy

Some companies strictly forbid relationships between coworkers. Some only have a policy against dating someone in the organization that is a direct supervisor or subordinate.

Some companies don’t hire married couples

Some companies just don’t care at all, as long as it doesn’t interfere with getting the job done.

They just trust you to be an adult and not let your emotional situation interfere with the work.

how to make a guy like you
The less drama, the better…

You might also have to consider leaving if it gets to the point of walking the aisle with this guy.

In a recent survey performed by Workplace Options, 57% said they’d opt to protect their career, but 43% said they would lean towards leaving their jobs if the romance got serious.

What would YOU do? You have to think this through BEFORE you dip your pen in the company ink.

And even more importantly –

RED ALERT! Coworker Dating Tip 3: What if it doesn’t work out?

What will you do if you break up?

There are two critical questions you MUST know before you jump in with both feet:

1) How will YOU handle it?

2) How will HE handle it?

You have to know this going in because the odds are that it won’t work out.

That’s the same for ANY relationship, really. It’s not pessimism, it’s REALITY.

If you’ve been around for any period of time, you’ll see that most relationships don’t succeed. They don’t necessarily “fail” either.

This is not a cause to fall into despair, but a reason to wake up and take a conscious role in your relationship efforts. It’s tempting to fall into the “destiny” and “soulmate” mindset – where every relationship is a spiritual “what if.”

But the fact is that we have a huge INTENTIONAL role in our love decisions.

So think it through and be pragmatic about this, because it’s not like other romances that can be left to the winds of fate.

  • If he’s a jerk, he could trash your reputation
  • If YOU are a jerk, you could face social and professional problems

You want to be sure he’s really who you think he is before you flip the coin and take the risk.

how to make a guy fall in love with you
Always tread lightly at first…

If the two of you are awkward or edgy around each other while working on a common project, your work performance may suffer. And that could hurt your prospects for promotions or raises in the future.

You might even want to talk to someone you know who has had an office romance and ask them what they found most challenging – and if they’d do it again.

As you can see, there are a lot of considerations to go through to make this decision…

Now, before I come across as a real downer on relationships in the workplace, I have to tell you that I’ve had more than my fair share.

I’ve dated no less than 6 women in the various companies that I’ve worked in over the years.

Yeah, that’s a lot, and it’s afforded me a lot of perspective. I’d do it again, mostly because I know that I can compensate for many of the issues that do arise.

how to attract men
Just roll with the blows and learn from it…

But I’d also have to tell you that I’d seriously think twice given the chance that sexual harassment can come up as an issue if that person were to flip out.

And no one knows for sure if they’ll flip out or not. You really can’t predict a person’s response. A good friend of mine had his girlfriend file a lawsuit for past utility bills because she felt the need for some revenge.

Let me leave you with a couple rules to follow so if you do decide to date a coworker, you’ll know how best to keep your boundaries:

Date your Coworker – RULE 1) When at work – work is first.

Oh, yeah, flirting is FUN. It’s downright electric when you’re on the job because you’re toying with a secret crush, and the energy is thrilling.

I think that’s part of the reason that so many people jump into workplace romances is the taboo of them. It’s almost – but not quiteforbidden.

how to please your man
No one has to know – not yet at least…

You want to avoid any weirdness, so keep the eye-batting and kissy-kissy faces to a minimum. Be professional…

Keep the playing to a minimum and make sure your first focus is the job at hand.

Date your Coworker – RULE 2) Keep it private – at first.

Don’t broadcast your romantic entanglement until later, even if it is okay with management that you have a fling.

But you should tell the people who should know up the food chain as soon as it looks serious. This will offset a lot of the possible damage that could happen if it came out later.

You’ll also benefit from their advice about how best to handle it and who to watch out for.

It’s always better to go this direction than the other way, where you expose yourself to the critical eye.

what men want
If you thought the paparazzi were bad…

And the gossip will be your worst enemy. Your co-workers won’t all be happy about your good fortune.

Keep it hush-hush….

Date your Coworker – RULE 3) Keep the communication open…

This is just a good strategy for all relationships, but make it more of a focus with a workplace romance. You should always be talking about what’s going on with whom as it relates to you and him.

If there’s any weirdness, get it out in the open fast.

There’s already a level of covert secrecy in your relationship, so you have to compensate in the other direction to make sure you don’t get caught up in misunderstandings.

Well, if I haven’t talked you out of it yet, you might gather there’s a lot more to think about when it comes to dating a guy you work with.

how to be a good girlfriend
Make sure you’ve got all the angles covered…

You should consider all the emotional ramifications, of course. But there’s also the professional consequences.

I know some people who use workplace connections the way some people use blind dates, online dating, or singles events to meet people. It’s their comfortable method, and I wish them well.

There’s a huge potential to meet someone of the same mindset and socio-economic status as you.

Which is one of the most important elements of compatibility that matters between two people, by the way.

But there is another deeper level of connection that a LOT of couples fail to make, coworkers or not.

You see, each a guy has a specific style of connecting with his partner – and it’s important that YOU know about this.

Most men don’t know about their OWN “Connection Style”,  so doing a little homework on this will give your relationship a HUGE edge in the longevity department.

Seriously – knowing your man’s way of connecting with you is a GOLD MINE when it comes to making things work flawlessly between you two (well, most of the time anyway).

In this video I put together, it turns out there are a total of FIVE Connection Styles, all of which you can learn quickly and easily.

There’s no mystery or hype behind this important truth behind relationships – you’d best CLICK HERE to get started today. Your guy won’t know what hit him… 

7 Blind Date Tips For The First Date

7 Blind Date Tips For The First Date

I can’t think of any more stressful an experience than having to go meet someone you have never met before, building up hopes for romance –

Which are usually dashed upon the rocks of “What the heck were you thinking? Hooking me up with THIS guy?”

Crazy, right?

Someone you know picks a guy out of a hat for you and expects that you two would hit it off and make a wild new love affair that the poets will write about for centuries…

It almost NEVER works out that way…

In fact, you’re usually disappointed at the results.

But we do it again and again, in the hopes of hitting the jackpot…

Well, don’t despair! There IS gold in them thar hills! You CAN make your blind dates positive, promising, and – dare I say it? – FUN.

how to meet a man
“Any day now…”

And I want to show you how to mine it, shape it, and get it around your ring finger of your left hand.

Let’s start out with some of the “Ugly Truths” of blind dates so that we set our expectations correctly:

BLIND DATE TRUTH 1: Blind Dates are created from ego…

The sore truth is that most of our friends mean well for us. They really do.

And they also really aren’t “thinking” when they set us up. Most people don’t really understand what kind of foundation is required to trigger or spark a real romance that works.

It’s incredibly hard. Take it from me, I’ve been doing this for 40 years, and I didn’t get anywhere near right for 30 of them. (I’m trying to save you from all my mistakes!)

So when our friends set us up, they rarely think about chemistry or shared values…

Instead, they think about how nice it would be to be the one to get credit for creating the romance. So they can be the “matchmaker.”

how to get a guy to like you
“Did I just make “Happily Ever After” happen? Yeahhh I did…”

Which, while a bit short-sighted and selfish, is good if it actually creates a romance, right?

So keep in mind that blind dates are usually blind for the people setting them up, too. They’re blind to what would really make a good connection for you.

BLIND DATE TRUTH 2: Blind Dates are created from familiarity

We go along with these blind dates based on one thing, usually: The desire to meet someone that someone else can vouch for. It’s a chain of TRUST.

And for a woman this is huge.

You want to know this guy is safe, responsible, has something in common with you, etc.

So any word of this from a friend is a consolation and a ray of hope in an otherwise dark and dreary dating reality.

how to flirt with a man
Quality control is a MUST in dating…

We want to stay with methods of meeting people that connect us to someone we know because our social tribe keeps us feeling safe and in our element.

Just realize that this can work if you take a bit of time to make sure your friends understand what you need to create that connection with him.

BLIND DATE TRUTH 3: Blind Dates are uncomfortable – for both of you…

It’s always going to be weird to meet someone new, no matter how well vetted and reviewed they are.

It’s instinctive for humans to be cautious and nervous around new people. It’s not something you can overcome instantly.

But you can focus on opening yourself up before the date.

Which actually leads me to the first of my 7 Blind Date Tips…

Blind Date Tip For Attraction 1: Prime Yourself For Success

Priming is something that we’re not told about but has a significant effect on our life without us even knowing how it’s guiding us.

They (those crazy scientists) performed an experiment where they split people into two groups.

One group held a mug full of hot coffee. The other group held a mug full of ice cold water.

Later they had the two groups meet a complete stranger. They were then asked to record how they felt about that person.

  • 80% of the people who held the hot coffee felt the other person was “warm, friendly.”
  • 83% of the people who held the iced water felt the other person was “chilly, cold, unfriendly.”

This is the nature of priming. You create feelings about people based on what you were PRIMED to feel.

relationship tips for women
Never underestimate the power of emotions…

This is a gut process that we often think of as “instinct.” But in reality, it’s just your conditioning getting in your way.

Prime yourself for success and gratitude BEFORE you go on the date. Focus on 3 things you’re grateful for, and do this as part of your morning ritual.

You’ll find that your heart is more open in the process of meeting this new guy, and you might see more there than you would if you’d been holding the ice cold mug of water…

And this leads us right into my next tactic for you:

Blind Date Tip For Love 2: First Impressions ARE.

You may have heard a bit of both sides of this one.

  • Some people say first impressions are always right… trust your intuition!
  • Some people say first impressions can be misleading… don’t trust them!

First impressions are neither right NOR wrong…

They just ARE.

I believe you have to respect your first impression by recognizing it.

If something feels good, why is that? If it feels weird to you, why is that?

Quantify that feeling in your body, and see where it comes from – and why.

Once you know why you feel that way, now you can decide whether to:

A) Give him the boot – adios!


B) Give him a second chance

how to make a guy fall in love with you
Choose wisely…

Then, and only then, are you better able to see the truth. Because, yes, you might be judging that person from a place that is not really your instincts or “intuition.”

And you don’t want to make a mistake – like possibly meeting your soulmate and then finding it out later – when he’s engaged to someone else.

The best way to kill the possible romance in a blind date is to go in expecting a hot dreamboat (insert your favorite male celebrity’s name here) and come up with something closer to George Constanza from “Seinfeld.”

Lose the expectations while you’re at it. They only ensure your disappointment with Reality. Lose your expectations, but don’t lower your standards.

Blind Date Tip For Success 3: Stay Positive.

Even if you’re normally a bit on the sarcastic and snarky end of the spectrum (I’m guilty of this), you should do everything you can to stay positive and light with your conversation.

Looking back on my past dates, I see now that those I started off with a dark edge never went anywhere. Even if we both shared that sarcastic humor and direction, it only colored our attitudes toward each other.

If he starts complaining or going negative, you stay on the lighter side. I believe that women can take a powerful role in all relationships by being leaders – and help men to show their better side.

Blind Date Tip For Love 4: Alcohol is good – until it’s not.

Let’s be brutally real here: A drink is good to loosen up and relax – if you’re okay with alcohol and you have it under your control.

But after 2 drinks, there is a distinct haziness that creeps in. It can make people THINK they’re attracted when they’re just lowering their boundaries a bit too much.

how to attract men
Stay classy…

And I’m not only referring to alcohol here. Any substance can alter your perceptions – and possibly cloud them.

Watch the alcohol…

It will vary depending on how long the date goes, and what your tolerance is. But you should aim for clarity in your thinking, not muddling it.

You want to have your eyes wide open for the blind date.

Blind Date Tip For Love 5: Keep your sense of humor. NO MATTER WHAT!

Let’s be real: Life is absurd.

If you don’t believe this, take a look at the “news” on any website you happen to visit.

I firmly believe that everything in life can be joked about – from the cruel and ‘serious’, to the ridiculous and insane.

And nowhere do we need to keep our sense of humor intact more than in the often difficult process of meeting our next Great Love.

From the guys that burp and fart during the meal, to the time you tripped on your own skirt or woke up naked on his couch.

Embrace the chaos and never lose your sense of humor…

It’s all funny in retrospect, so why not get started laughing now?

Which definitely leads me to this next tip…

Blind Date Tip For Love 6: If it’s going bad, dance with it.

Sometimes you’re going to run into a complete turkey. This guy’s going to make you wonder if he’s the one guy in charge of trolling all the Youtube videos leaving idiotic comments.

Very often there’s a temptation to suddenly sit there and stew in it. You get caught up in the “Oh, crap, here I go again. This SUCKS!” attitude.

This is what many Buddhists would call “resistance” and it just leaves YOU unhappy.

Instead, don’t resist it. Jump in with both feet and just make it fun in every way you can.

Don’t get too attached to the outcome…

Get him to dance with you, or go put on a new song, or walk with you to a store.

If he’s still a schmuck, lose him and get on with your life. I never advocate wasting your precious time with an idiot.

Just take a minute to let him know where you’re coming from and why you’re not enjoying his company.

Oh yeah, I know – it’s not a comfortable thing to do. But there’s a good chance it’s coming from his nervousness, and there’s an even bigger chance he’s never heard about his annoying behavior.

You could be the one that wakes him up.

But don’t sit there and wallow in your polite misery. Just forge your own path to get what you want.

And finally…

Blind Date Tip For Love 7: Act Like The Date You Want Him To Be.

I mentioned that I believe women can take the leadership role in the date. That doesn’t mean that you have to organize the date or lead him through it.

What I mean is that women can lead from the heart, while her date might be following with his … er, sex drive.

This is okay – since it’s the way men and women have gotten together for tens of thousands of years. It’s the natural flow of energy that creates the flow of desire and challenge that fuels love.

And it’s always good for a man to experience the calm power of a woman that is setting the expectations and the stage for the date with her own femininity.

Calm, collected and cool as a cucumber – that’s YOU…

It’s comforting, and it’s reassuring when he can relax into the date. So I encourage you to help him aspire to be a Real Man for you during your date.

And if you act like the date you want him to be, you’ll make it clear from the very start that you’re a woman of calm confidence and power.

  • You don’t need to jump in bed with him right away…
  • You don’t need to get drunk to make the night enjoyable…
  • You don’t need to lower your standards or change your beliefs for his approval…

You only need to be YOU.

But YOU is enough!

In fact, you can easily fall into your own confidence and feminine power when you know you’re irresistible to him.

how to flirt with a guy over text
He won’t stand a chance against your charms…

Nowadays sadly, a lot of women are gradually getting out of touch with what makes them attractive. Deep down these women are drop dead gorgeous, but guys CAN’T SEE IT.

There’s a bunch of barriers getting in the way which mostly have to do with a woman’s attitude and appearance.

(Let me make that last part clear – beautiful women come in ALL shapes and sizes. But the problem is that they’re not necessarily presenting themselves in the most appealing way – or accentuates their natural beauty.)

Now, I’ve got a video right here that talks about eliminating those barriers you may unconsciously have n place. This needs to dealt with ASAP – otherwise, it could PERMANENTLY drive away The One destined for you.

If you’d like to know how to be TRULY irresistible without giving up your core identity, head on over here to learn more…

5 Secrets Why Older Women Have The Dating Advantage With Men

5 Secrets Why Older Women Have The Dating Advantage With Men

YES, ladies – OLDER is a GOOD thing, if you know what you’re up to.

But – wait a second here… we all know guys LOVE younger women, don’t we?

They always seem to love to stare at them and ogle them… usually at the most disrespectful of times. Like, when you’re out on that date and talking to him – and his eyes wander at the perky butt that passes by.

“HEY! Over here, buddy. Eyes on the prize!” you scream… in your head.

But the reality is something that not many women know about.

And if you give me a few minutes, I’ll prove something that you might not know about men.

Here’s the secret: Even though you may lose the battle of guys having a wandering eye for those trampy-dressing, barely-women… you can still win the war if you know what men REALLY want.

The fact is that older women have an edge over the giggly, idealistic, and somewhat naive girls out there. And if you know what that advantage is – you can use it to devastate the competition!

First of all, I have to tell you this:

If you are of the mind that you can’t compete with little Miss “I’m famous on Instagram!” over there with the too-short skirt and the Appletini…

If you’ve already given up – well then no one on the face of planet Earth can ever help you.

You’re too far gone. Quit now and leave it to them.

OR – if you know that there is a way to rig this game in your favor, then let’s keep going.

Here are a couple quick tips for you to avoid the whole issue of older/younger/whatever. Here are a couple things that might give him pause:

1) Get your baggage handled.

Guys know that there is a bit more that comes with a woman over the age of 30. Possible ex-husband, kids, financial pressures and obligations…

If you can clear the slate of some of this stuff – or at least keep it in the background – he’ll breath a sigh of relief. If you pace it, he’ll be okay with the stuff you’re most worried about.

It’s when you get a little crazy about the insecurities of having them in the first place that can throw any woman off her game. Breathe, and take it easy.

2) Keep the “clock” in your pocket – for now`

Yeah, for some women who are hoping to start a family, that biological clock can be an issue.

But the reality is that women are safer now than ever in child bearing later in life, and there are so many ways to fulfill that need. There is adoption, and even surrogacy.

If you’re in a bit of a rush because of the impending “ovary alarm” – it would be good to keep that out of the way for now. If you’re finding yourself wondering “where is this going?” – chances are the answer could elude you if that is your primary concern.

Ok, now I’ll show you some cool tricks and tips you can use to beat the Cheerleaders at their own game. (Yes, I have a ton of ways to refer to younger girls, and none of them are meant as insults. I’ll let you decide the rest… )

So this is basically a kind of “choose your own adventure” book…

But there’s really only ONE choice in this book: Show him the magic you’ve got that she doesn’t.

So let’s get to it!

BEAT THE TRAMP SECRET 1: Men Already KNOW What You Got Goin’ On

Yeah, given that men are uncontrollably drawn to the IMAGE of youth, you have to understand that they also have a rational part of their brain that understands that older women have much more going on for them…

Things like:

A whole lot less giggling – Enough said right there. And a whole lot less “likes” in your sentences. Like, ya know?

Better in bed – like WAY better. Men may joke about the “cougar” thing, but we also smile on the inside, knowing that older women ROCK in bed. Better technique… more comfort with sex in general…

You just GET IT.

And for a guy who’s had a few too many unfulfilling encounters, we learn real quick that we want women who have technique in the sack.

Better conversation – It also goes without saying that if you’ve been around a little longer, you’re going to have more to talk about than running out to the dance floor as she screams “Oh MY Gawd!!! I LOVE this song! Woooo!”

Seriously, I just got hives picturing that. Ick.

Take it from a man, most men learn quick to hone in on the women that have some particles of intelligence that will keep us interested after we leave the bedroom with you.

We need more.

More grounded in your femininity – You know what it means to be a woman. After all, you’ve been doing this shtick for a few decades now.

No more of that weird “Ew!” feeling when you see a penis or hear some other girl talking about a period accident. You’re ready to rock the Chick thing.

And the list goes on and on and on. Smart guys are already with the program. (I know – I’m one of ’em.)

MATURE WOMEN ROCK – SECRET 2: Men Don’t Get Serious With Bimbos

I’m using “bimbo” in the nicest way, by the way…

Yeah, I know some guys will date the younger, shall-we-say UNFOCUSED type of woman. But let’s get real here: They’re not the kind of guy an older woman wants to date.

Guys know instinctively that women below the age of 24 are not in our target range of “serious relationships.”

Men target these girls strictly for a little bedroom fun. And when most older guys realize that these girls have no interest in them, they usually fall in line with the program.

Then they get a woman who’s been around a bit and she shows him what it’s like to date an equal. As long as she’s got the assets to back up her stock, we’re on board with it.

I’M NOT FREAKING OUT! – SECRET 3: You’re Past (MOST of) Your “Crazy”

Hormones are a fact of life, but you’re probably not as enslaved to them as you once were.

PMS might still come in for a secret stealth bombing every so often, but you see it coming and run for shelter.

You’re also more direct and lessgamey” about what you want from men.

Believe me when I tell you that the head games are one of the most infuriating, frustrating, and downright relationship-wrecking aspects of dating on the younger end of the spectrum.

You’re also more in touch with what matters and what doesn’t to you. You’ve had a few relationships under your belt to know how the game is played, which is a huge benefit to making it work with the right guy.

You have the knowledge that you can probably handle whatever life throws your way. That’s not to say that you never have a bad day, but you no longer lose your cool over the fact that you’ve got a pimple and have a party to go to Saturday night.

You’re also way more likely to stick it out when it gets difficult – which it always does. And for most men who are tired of being left for a newer model (yeah, it happens quite a bit more than you know) this will earn his immediate devotion.

IT’S NOT THE YEARS – IT’S THE MILEAGE – SECRET 4: That Thing They Say About Wine Is True

Yeah, it sounds like a cheap consolation when someone tells you that you’re like a fine wine, but the truth stands alone. Cheap wine will get you drunk, but a good glass of red will be cherished and loved for far longer.

You were probably sweet and wonderful when you were 19… which means you’re probably effing AMAZING now.

It’s time to share that fabulous YOU with the men who want it.

All the things that go into making you YOU.

OVER 30 IS THE NEW WOW – SECRET 5: You’re More Ready For HIM

Most guys know that girls under a certain age have no patience for him or his ways.

These barely-women don’t understand him – not really.

And he knows that he needs to be understood – that it’s essential for him to let himself fall in love with her.

She wonders all the time why he needs to go out with his buddies…

She wonders why he seems to pull away right when the relationship is getting good…

She wonders if he’s really ever going to make a lasting commitment to her…

She wonders if he will ever really cherish her the way she needs him to…

You, on the other hand, have more of these things figured out.

These little “quirks” that guys have aren’t a mystery to you – and they don’t phase you anymore. This isn’t your first rodeo, so you know how to handle those twists and turns.

But most of all, you know what it really means to be IRRESISTIBLE.

Being attractive to guys isn’t a mystery – you’re past all the superficial drama that turn men off.

But as seasoned as you are, it doesn’t hurt to get a few more pointers from Yours Truly. In fact, I’ve got a quick video right here to show you how to create bulletproof attraction.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, there are a few more ways to throw your guy that curveball he won’t see coming. Not to sound cocky (well, maybe a little), but I’d bet you haven’t come across these amazing tricks to becoming even more irresistible to your man.

Wanna give it a shot? CLICK HERE to get started and see what I mean…

How To Text A Man Into Marrying You – 3 Psychological Tricks

Men don’t use phones the way women do. I’m sure this won’t be a surprise to you.

Guys typically use a phone as a DEVICE – not a social tool.  We take our calls on them, we get directions on them, maybe handle an email or two.

how to flirt with a guy over text

So for you to use a guy’s phone as a way to romance him, you have to know some insider tips.

I’m going to expose them for you here today.

And I’m going to go one step further than just showing you how to romance this guy – I want to show you how to get him to want to MARRY you using text messages.

And your attitude, of course…

First, let’s set some ground rules – and start with a few things you should NEVER text a guy…


What’s he supposed to do with this exactly?

Think about it from a man’s perspective. He’s sitting there, sipping his cappuccino, pondering the last basketball game.

He’s not stockpiling things in his head to tell the next person he comes in contact with.

(You might be doing this, but I’m telling you HE isn’t.)

He gets a text that says… “Hey!”

He thinks – “Uhmmmm….”

how to get a guy to like you

Now if he’s got something to say, he’ll probably text you back with a polite: “What’s up?” Or maybe “Hey” back to you.

Which then leaves you feeling deflated and bored already. “What, isn’t this guy capable of more than one word texts?” you think – even after you opened the conversation with … a single word.

You have to start with a question. Don’t send open-ended texts like you do to your girlfriends.

DON’T EVER TEXT THIS: “Where are you?” or “What are you doing?”

This sounds too much like you’re checking up on him. And even if you didn’t mean to sound like you were checking up on him, he might still feel like it.

Your texts need to sound organic, not desperate.

And even if it’s a question you really are curious about, you have to lead off differently. In fact, asking the question at all is a subtle way of saying: “Gosh, I wish I were there instead of enjoying my already way-cool life.”

how to be a good girlfriend

You have to project the attitude of a woman that is living her own life and isn’t looking to be someone else’s anchor.

Resist the temptation to hint at getting together with him using these kinds of subtle texts, too. This isn’t how you slowly open a conversation that is hinting: “ASK ME OUT!”

Remember that your texts are coming from a woman who’s busy with her own awesome lifestyle. And he needs to get that impression from your texts as well.


This is the texting equivalent of an uncomfortable silence.

Think about it: How does he respond after that?

It’s kind of like that scene in Austin Powers – where Dr. Evil and his henchmen are all laughing diabolically, and after a while they don’t know how to transition back from the laughter.

They just taper off, awkwardly.

Instead of using this kind of text, just tell him he’s funny. Turn it into an opportunity to COMPLIMENT HIM.

(Hint: Compliments are something that guys don’t get as much as you think. He’s thirsty to hear you tell him how what you dig about him, trust me.)

how to flirt with a guy over text

DON’T TEXT THIS: “I guess so”, “Probably” or anything vague that he’s supposed to “pick up on.”

If you think men are thick when you’re trying to hint something to them in person, just imagine how dense he is when he’s on the other end of a text conversation that has no emotional cues in it.

I’ll just tell you right now that he won’t get it – AT ALL. 

Plus, saying something vague is like saying nothing at all. So if you feel tempted to fill space with a reply – DON’T. Just let the silence sit there.

You know what’s happening in this silence?

He’s getting nervous that he’s losing your interest. And YOU.

And contrary to what you might think, that’s only good for you.

You want men to always wonder if he’s GOT you. If he thinks he does, you’re actually losing him.

This doubt in his head is HEALTHY and it makes him do what men are supposed to do: CHASE YOU!

I recently interviewed a woman who wanted me to coach her to get out of the friend zone with a guy. She sent me a description of her situation, and I turned her down.

Yeah, I turned down a coaching client – and money – because I knew that she was in the desperation zone more than the friend zone.

how to make a guy like you

This guy was lukewarm and lame, and she’d never be happy with a guy like that. She needed a man who wanted her more than he needs air to breathe.

Because if you can’t get him to chase you, YOU will always be chasing him. And that’s not romance.

Okay, now let’s talk about the steps you can use to text a man into matrimony…

Get Him To Marry You – Texting Tactic 1: Treat him like a dolphin…

After coaching thousands of clients, I’ll tell you one big mistake that women typically make with texting men: They are way too predictable.

Men are like dolphins…

how to attract men

Let me explain that last statement – because this one tip is something you can use on a man no matter what you’re doing with him.

The way that those trainers get a dolphin to do tricks in all those aquatic shows is that they use something called “variable reinforcement.”

That means that when the dolphins are being trained to learn a trick, they don’t get a fish every time they do the trick – like you see them getting during the show.

No, the dolphins start out by getting a fish all the time. And very soon they only get a fish every so often. At a variable interval that is unpredictable.


Because all living things respond better to uncertain schedules of reward.

What does that odd scientific phrase mean?

It means: People respond better when we DON’T know when – or IF – we’re going to get a treat.

If you KNOW you’re getting a treat at the same time, you start to take it for granted. And then you stop trying or working for it. This is basic motivational psychology.

Sure, we’d like to THINK that a person will keep working for it.

But the truth is that they won’t. And this is especially true of MEN.

The second you start texting him – or calling or emailing or whatever – regularly, that’s when his little lizard brain will start yelling: BO-O-ORING!

And he’s going to look elsewhere for fun.

It’s not that he’s trying to be a dick, he’s just motivated by challenge.

Let me say that again for the cheap seats:

A man is motivated by CHALLENGE!

If you’re working hard to make it easy for him, you’re missing a big opportunity without realizing it. YOU think if you make yourself convenient, he’ll just default to calling you, or boinking you, or dating you.


He needs you to demonstrate higher value (DHV) by showing him you’re in demand and can’t be pinned down.

The human mind focuses on things that are rare and hard-to-get – for a reason.

Too easy = too common. 

Which also = not valuable.

You need to have him on his toes more than a running back in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl, ya dig?

how to please your man

You also have to keep him focused ON YOU – not on his own lame little concerns. A man works best when he’s providing and helping make YOUR life happy – because that’s a built in drive for him.

Remember this one, because it’s the secret key that will get you into his heart…

Get Him To Marry You – Texting Tactic 2: Text Him About Your Married Friends…

When you’ve been dating him for a while, you want to create a private tribe of your own. You want him having fun with you AND your fun friends. If they’re married, that’s ten times better.

So every so often, share positive, fun, uplifting information about your married friends and what FANTASTIC lives they’re living in wedded bliss. Share their triumphs.

From the ones that get married, to the ones that are having their first child – you have to keep him plugged into the “committed and happy” news parade.

how to get him to marry you

This one you’ll want to expand on a bit, too. You eventually want to have him hang out with you and with your (happily) married friends as much as possible.

He needs to be flooded with examples of positive couples who are in committed relationships.

The fact is that the human mind believes what it sees and hears about over and over again. Most guys see too many negative examples of relationships (probably his buddies’) and you need to counter this.

When he’s around couples who have made the Big Commitment to each other, he’ll start to envision doing the same with you.

Remember, your job is to help him past his trust and commitment issues. You have to show him that marriage ROCKS harder than AC/DC in concert.

Just don’t be too obvious about this. Use the mentions sparingly in text.

But use it RELENTLESSLY in real life.

Get Him To Marry You – Texting Tactic 3: Let Him Know You’ve Got OPTIONS…

A guy is motivated by loss just as much as gain.

And the reality of life is that we are ten times as motivated by the possibility of losing something important to us than by the possibility of getting something new.

You can use this to your advantage in text and in life…

Send him messages from time to time that let him in on the UNBELIEVABLE FUN you’re having … without him.

relationship tips for women

Let him know about the cool time you just had with your girlfriends at a party. Or that group of cool guys who invited you into a game of darts with them.

(If you’re turning down experiences like this, btw, you might be guilty of responding to your own guilt instead of your own VALUE.)

Or maybe ‘accidentally’ text him something meant for ‘somebody‘ else.


This isn’t taunting or manipulating, my dear. This is another of the realities of LIFE.

And if you’re living your life by trying to spare him from any “bad feelings” – you’re not understanding the way real people work.

Yeah, I get it – we should all be nice to each other…

A man SHOULD see you for who you are and just love the dickens out of you…

But human beings don’t respond to “shoulds” of any kind, really.

Human beings don’t always respond to “the nicest girl,” either. (Ever seen this happen? Or experience it? I’ll bet you have…)

The simple rule of life is that you don’t listen to what people say. You watch what they DO. And don’t get caught up in shoulds along the way.

So don’t ever feel bad about letting him know what he could be potentially ruining for himself. Real women with value have no problem reminding their man that he’s not the only guy left on the planet.

Oh, no my dear boy…

Far from!

In fact, you have to balance true and heartfelt loving with constantly reminding him that there’s a line he can cross and possibly lose you.


Unconditional love is what you feel in your heart, but conditional boundaries are what you need to keep you healthy, desired, and loved by your man.

Don’t let anyone tell you different!

So there you go – I gave you 3 POWERFUL WAYS to use your texts to get a man to make the ULTIMATE commitment to you.

Don’t just use these in texts – use them every day with him.

But remember that texts are just one of the many ways you can reel him in. Aside from using your phone to communicate your irresistibility to him, there’s something else called the Soulmate Signal.

In this video, I talk about why men need to get this from you before they’re convinced you’re The One.

It’s this signal that will flip that switch in his head and make him decide to go “all in.”

And if you want to know how to do this (which is pretty simple by the way) –

CLICK HERE to check it out now… 

Finding Your Soulmate – 7 Signs You’ve Found The ONE

Finding Your Soulmate 7 Signs You've Found The ONE

Whenever I talk to my friends about soulmates, the conversation always gets heated and intense.

Half the women I talk to feel that soulmates are real and that there’s a person out there that you’re DESTINED to be with.

The other half of my female friends think that soulmates are simply a Hollywood myth.

A myth that tends to make women too critical of their partners – expecting a perfection that doesn’t exist. This half just “doesn’t believe in that sort of thing.”


What do you think? Is there a soulmate for you?

Or is it just a man you can create the foundation of a lifelong, loving relationship?

No one can deny that we are all in search of the person who “completes us.” ( My apologies to those of you who hate “Jerry Maguire”)

We all want to find that one perfect person we imagine is out there waiting for us, that makes us feel loved until the end of our days.

This is the guy that you imagine has an unexplainable sense of familiarity to you – like you’ve been together in a past life.

And then there’s the uncontrollable and unstoppable attraction and chemistry

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People also think that their soulmate will be immediately compatible with them as well. And that we’re not going to have any relationship difficulties. (I’ll tell you why that’s not true in a second…)

Now, a lot of the advice you’ll hear is not valid science, and that’s why I want to tell you how to recognize when you’ve found “The One” with these 7 soulmate signals.

You’ve found your soulmate – Signal #1: You overlap naturally

Dr. Ted Hudson of the University of Texas ran a longitudinal study of couples that had been married for years, and he found something interesting.

He found there is no observable difference in the compatibility among those couples who are unhappy vs. those who are happy.

Couples that feel content and warmth in their relationships said that compatibility wasn’t an issue for them. They noted that it was the both of them who made the relationship actually work, not the compatibility of their personalities.

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When unhappy couples were asked what they thought about compatibility, they all answered by saying that compatibility is extremely important to a marriage. And they blamed their problems on “compatibility.” And there was no measurable difference in their compatibility.

So when you’re looking for a sign of whether or not your man is your soulmate, don’t look at how “compatible” you feel with him.

Instead, look to see that your lives seem to naturally overlap in a way that makes it feel like synchronicity.

Things will just feel very natural and unforced when you’re together. Like two gears that fit well together.

This Guy Could Be The One For You – Signal #2: He supports your dreams…

You want to look for a man who creates a sense of positivity between you.

Something I’ve noticed about relationships that work versus those that don’t is that, in the happy relationships, each person is on a positive footing with their partner.

The man doesn’t hold her back. He focuses on the “you can do it” without a lot of “doubt speak.”

In fact, quite the opposite. He’ll be overflowing with faith and belief in you.

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If you find your partner isn’t behind you in your pursuit of growth, and the betterment of your life, you can bet this guy probably won’t make a good husband for you.

On the other hand, if he’s always there to talk things up in a positive and affirming way, and he’s not battering at your sense of self-worth, there’s a good chance this guy is a keeper.

All things considered, the most important sign of a soulmate is how much they motivate you to be a better person.

Is This Man A Keeper? Signal #3: Communication is almost telepathic…

I want to be clear on this one – I’m not saying you have to be able to read his mind, and he yours.

I’m saying that when you almost don’t have to speak, and he understands where you are, that’s a huge kind of compatibility that makes a soulmate out of him.

Inevitably, you’re going to find a relationship just works when your man can read your emotional signals.

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Even if he just picks up on them and knows when to ask “Hey, is there something wrong?” – that’s going to make you much more likely to succeed.

You’ll feel loved and heard by him, which is priceless.

Remember, if a man asks if you’re upset, and you are – and you don’t tell him – that’s going to damage your connection with him. And if that kind of denial goes on too long, it will cause long term harm.

You’re looking for the guy who can reach out and touch your hand at the right time, or give his full attention when you’ve made it clear that you’re struggling with something emotionally.

Anything less is an emotional disconnect that is unstable and nearly impossible to build a loving relationship on.

Have You Found The One? Signal #4: The Chemistry Just ROCKS!

Yeah, you can’t keep your hands off each other…

When you get him alone, you two are like mad horny little rabbits…

You love touching and exploring each other’s bodies, and you just can’t get enough of each other…

When you’ve found your soulmate, the sex will just work between you.

Enough said.

Soulmate Secret – Signal #5: You’re almost TOO comfortable with each other…

If you find that you can talk about literally ANYTHING with him, you’ve got a special kind of link there.

In my own relationship, Jen and I talk about ANY topic. NOTHING is taboo between us.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In a truly honest relationship, one that is built on the most powerful of love, there can’t be any forbidden subjects. There has to be a trusting channel of communication that can handle anything.

Because if you set certain topics as “off limits,” you’re fostering a “secret zone” that you both hide stuff in.

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It’s like a tiny safe where you decide to store your secrets. And over the years, it gets easier and easier to put stuff in that safe.

If he doesn’t feel like he can tell you whatever is on his mind – even his occasional weird manly desires in bed – I mean ANYTHING

… if he doesn’t feel that kind of openness, he will never be fully trusting of you.

This Man Could Be Your Forever Man – Signal #6: It’s a challenge

I don’t mean that it’s a challenge to stay in the relationship, not exactly.

I mean that you each challenge each other to grow like never before. You challenge each other to improve every single day, and build your relationship to new levels of love and connection.

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Because – and I really hate to burst your bubble on this – a soulmate relationship is not smooth sailing all the time. It’s not effortless.

In fact, it’s the waves you conquer together that make you stronger as a couple.

We must rely on our soulmates to help us evolve as people, and to help us become even more authentic to who we are inside. We must always be moving toward MORE truth on the outside.

More genuine…


If your man is going in the complete opposite direction, of course you can’t have the kind of loving lifestyle you desire. You’ll constantly be at odds with each other.

But when you are headed the same direction, you’ll know that even the difficulties are forging your relationship into an unbreakable chain of connection between you.

And this leads me to:

Is He My Soulmate? Signal #7: You’re Both Ready For Love

When you do find the right man, knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em is critical to success.

Some guys just aren’t in the right place to make things work – right now. If you catch them a few months or years down the road, they might be your perfect man.

But the key here is to know when to walk away. And being ABLE to walk away.

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I’m reminded of a lesson I was taught by a friend when we were shopping in the streets of Beijing, China.

We were looking for deals on cool stuff that the street vendors were selling to the tourists. You could find anything from t-shirts to silk suits, and all of it at great prices.

IF you knew how to haggle with them.

I found a really beautiful decorative sword for my office. I was feeling pretty good about paying only $100 US for it, too. Until I ran into my friend, who had the exact same sword.

“No way,” I said. “You found one, too! How much was yours?”

He told me he got it for $15. My jaw hit the ground.

“How the heck did you do that?” I asked. “I must have negotiated with that guy for 20 minutes. Now I feel stupid for spending so much.”

“It’s not the negotiation,” he said. “The most important part of getting the price you want is being willing to walk away.”

That lesson stuck with me for years. I used it time and again in buying cars, and other situations where I had to haggle the price down.

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But most importantly, I discovered how important it was in the world of relationships.

Someone once made the comment to me that:

“The one who loves the least controls the relationship.”

WOW. That really caught my attention. I must have argued with that person for over an hour, but in the end, I discovered it to be absolutely true.

Not only is it a factor of timing with men, but it’s a matter of posture.

Of knowing you have The Stuff that men want. That you know better than any other woman how to make a man.

That kind of security in yourself is the confidence you need to find your soulmate.

Any woman can find her soulmate, but not all of them will.

In fact, by my estimation, less than 5% of all first time marriages – and less than 10% of second or more marriages – are with soulmates. Most of the time we settle before we reach our goal.

I want to show you the signal that tells a man he’s your soulmate – especially if you know it but he can’t see it!

In this little video I put together, I talk about how your man is waiting for you to tell him that you’re The One.

His True North. The Girl Who Shouldn’t Get Away.

Whatever you want to call it, you need to send him a LOUD and CLEAR message that you two are meant to be together.

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But you can’t actually say it to his face – you’ll have to get your message past the defensive wall that all men put up.

Here’s how to slip him the Soulmate Signal – CLICK HERE to watch my video now

5 Tricks To Drive Him Crazy With Desire And Fall In Love

Does it seem like all the stuff you read these days in the magazines and online about dating and relationships – does it seem like they focus too much on sex?

It seems like every guru and pundit out there wants you to “drive him wild in bed” with these “17 hot & wild tips…”

I’m not going to go there with you today…

Instead, we’re going to look at the ways to make a man wild with desire, all without having to do anything that makes you feel weird, like having to “talking dirty” with him.

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(There’s a place for being sexually provocative, but it’s not what you need to do to make a man attracted and interested in you. In fact, if you do it wrong – or at the wrong time – and you’ll risk scaring a man off.)

If you want to make him sit up and pay attention to you, then sit up and pay attention to these 5 tips that will make him want you and obsess over you…

DRIVE HIM WILD WITH LOVE – Trick 1: Be A Spin Doctor

Let me illustrate this one with a quick story –

Anna was driving to a movie with her boyfriend, Derek, and he was having trouble finding the theater. She figured they were probably going to be late for the show.

Now, what would many women do in this situation?

She’d probably tease him – or even berate him for “making them late.” She’d take the opportunity to “knock him down a notch” and put him in his place. A chance for her to give a little payback for his male ego.

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What Anna did will surprise you…

She saw his frustration, and just patted Derek’s hand.

She said: “That’s okay, honey. It’s nice just being out with you.”


There’s an incredible difference here that needs to be pointed out…

Most women would be angry at the inconvenience, that she wasn’t going to get her “prize” – the movie he was taking her to. She’d see the situation as another inconvenience to HER.

Instead of being laid back, relaxed. And basking in the simple joy of just BEING with him. Which is the most rewarding thing in the world for a man to know he’s wanted for.

Most men feel as if women see them as cogs in her life machine instead of a hot blooded human that has a deep need for connection.

Going back to Anna & Derek…

After she said that to him, Derek softened and relaxed. He looked at Anna with a loving gaze that she felt right down to her core. It was a gentle, touching moment that only deepened their relationship.

A moment that would not have happened if she didn’t take a second to think about what was more important in that moment – HER inconvenience, or his need for unconditional love.

GET THE LOVE YOU WANT – Trick 2: Echo His Language

Men give you clues every day about how they want to be treated – and LOVED. You only have to open your eyes to see it.

Dr. John Gottman talks about the various “love languages” that we use to communicate love to our partners. The theory states that we all have a specific way that we were brought up to experience love – and we are “programmed” to look for signals this way.

Very often, our partner isn’t aware of this communication style – or that our style is DIFFERENT than theirs!

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Some people need words of love… others need actions. And some need gifts…

The best way to leverage his language to make him fall for you even more deeply is to echo his language. When he shows you affection or love, watch for how he shows love to you.

Chances are he will be showing you love THE WAY HE WANTS TO SEE IT.

Most men do this automatically, assuming that you will feel love in the way that THEY do. Truth is, most women do the exact same thing! You probably tend to show love to him the way you would like to receive it yourself.

So echo his love by showing it to him the way he shows it to you – and you’ll see his connection and affection for you grow instantly.

BE THE CENTER OF HIS WORLD – Trick 3: Show Him Your Back

As in, your backBONE.

Men are notoriously UN-attracted to women who are too wishy-washy. For one, being too easygoing makes you look very UN-confident.

Remember: Confidence for women is different than confidence for men.

For a man to appear confident, he has to look like he’s capable of DOING. He’s confident to you if you think he can protect you, fix stuff, and take charge.

For a woman, she appears confident when she KNOWS HER VALUE. This is what a man wants to see in her most of all. Not insecurity.

Mind you, knowing your value doesn’t mean you’re conceited or bitchy. (Though guys who have not experienced the healthy version of female confidence called “assertive” might fall for those.)

Many women mistake being assertive for being “bitchy.” The two are COMPLETELY different.

Being assertive feels uncomfortable to most women. It feels like you’re being disagreeable and contentious.

And most women would much rather err to the side of being too easygoing than risk being perceived as “difficult.” And as a result, many of them get walked all over like rugs.

It feels uncomfortable to say what you want and be direct. Most women are brought up and cultured (usually by other women) to “go along to get along.”

There’s an unspoken law of social order within female groups that keeps the peer pressure strong and in-your-face. This keeps all the girls “in line.”

But the reality is that you have to break this convention with men, or the relationship will inevitably follow this pattern:

– He feels attracted to your soft, feminine qualities

– Then he aches for some demonstration of your independence (which is simply your non-neediness)

– Then he tests you to see if you are willing to be assertive (giving you choices, etc.)

– Then he starts losing attraction when you back down and give in to him too quickly.

A clear sign of this is when he asks you: “What do you want to do Friday?” and you reply: “Whatever you want” or “I don’t care, your choice…” (Guys HATE it when women do this, by the way.)

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Some men will start taking advantage of you when they feel that you’re too soft and “nice.” And then he will start making you his “booty call,” or he’ll leech off you.

If you ever sacrificed yourself for him, hoping that he’d see how “good you are” for him, chances are you’ve felt the pain of this situation.

Or maybe you’re feeling it right now…

Get This Guy Shamelessly In Love – Trick 4: Need Him – Without Being Needy!

This one is a tricky balance, but it can be done.

You see, most men experience women that resist his attempts to help her. He’s told to “not try and fix things” when a woman tells him about her problems.

She’s just venting, he’s told. Just listen and let her talk!

Which, for women who really want to understand men, means PURE TORTURE for most guys. It’s like you listening to him talk about the time he and his ex-girlfriend had that date where he…

Ha! You see! I’ll bet you started getting angry the second I mentioned his ex-girlfriend.

A guy wants you to NEED him to help solve problems.

BUT – we don’t want you to need us to solve ALL your problems.

Somewhere in between is a healthy balance where you give him a challenge, but you show him that you could live your life without him.

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Yes, I know you don’t want to, but the point is that he has to sense that you could. This is critical, because a man doesn’t mind you leaning on him. It’s when you jump on his shoulders and make him piggy-back you through life that he realizes why men die earlier than women on average.

Men are curious and attracted to women who have their own lives. (Got your own stuff to do with friends of your own.)

Enjoy your own hobbies. Spend time with your girlfriends. (Yes, and your guy friends.)

Go out and enjoy your life!

When a man sees how you’re fully engaged in your own interests, he’ll become more interested in you. And quite honestly, if you don’t have your own hobbies and interests, there will only be two parts of your life: the time when you’re with a man, and the time you’re bored out of your skull wishing you had a man.

And – while I hope that it’s not – that time without a man could be a big chunk of your life. So don’t waste your life away wishing for something else.

And finally we have…

SHOOT HIM WITH CUPID’S ARROW – Trick 5: Inject The Adrenaline!

I’m not saying you have to jump off a mountain and hang glide with him…

But you do have to get a man to feel the jolt of energy that he can only feel in a relationship. This is something that all men live for. And it’s one of the most important signs that we’ve found a woman who we can open our heart and fall in love with.

One of the most powerful “love drugs” that pushes a man into falling for you is adrenaline. It’s the same powerful dose of “KAPOW!” that can literally start a person’s heart up again.

(If you’ve ever seen “Pulp Fiction” and the scene where Uma Thurman is given that adrenaline shot, you know how powerful this stuff is.)

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It’s the same “high” a man seeks throughout his life – especially when he’s playing sports, or doing some kind of “extreme” activity, like snowboarding or skydiving.

If he doesn’t feel this “arrow” in his heart, he will never feel a deep emotional connection with you no matter what you do.

On the other hand, if you know how to hit a man with this Adrenaline Arrow, he will literally be your love slave.

It’s unstoppable.

Once you awaken those right feelings in him, he’ll practically have no choice but commit himself to you. And he’ll never feel forced into it – he’ll be happy to make it his purpose to make you happy.

It all starts by clicking HERE…

5 Warning Signs Of A Bad Love Affair – How To Read A Guy

5 Warning Signs Of A Bad Love Affair

Bad dates: they happen.

And unfortunately, way too often.

If you want to find love these days, you have to swim through a virtual ocean of frogs. They just don’t make men like they used to.

My wife and I are watching season 4 of “Vikings” – a great historical drama on the History channel. Now, these guys were dysfunctional, for sure.

But you can’t deny one thing: They were MEN. Through and through.

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Unfortunately for women today, wimpy, whiney guys lurk everywhere – and you need to make sure you don’t clog your life up with one of these losers.

And here’s the cruddy part… it’s not just men, it’s both sides of the gender divide.

Make no mistake – guys and gals everywhere are unhappy with the state of the dating union. Character is starting to be difficult to find in both sexes.

But since we’re only concerned with you ladies, I’m going to focus our advice on how to pick the good guys – and leave those other runts behind.

I want to show you how to avoid those guys that give love a bad name, as Bon Jovi once sang.

Let’s start with:

Sign #1 To Avoid – He’s a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde

You shouldn’t have too much trouble spotting this guy. He seems to have a split personality.

Sometimes he’s the alcohol-fueled douchebag, who gets amped up after a few too many whiskey sours. Or maybe some other kind of self-medication.

Sometimes he’s the guy who’s the super-sweet romantic, until he gets into your pants. Then he either goes cold again, or back to ignoring you.

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Sometimes, he just vanishes.

Or he’s that guy that’s so genuine and real at first, but then you see that he’s got a liar in there that makes you wonder if he might be married… or worse.

He tries to stay on his best behavior, but he seems to have this streak of bad in him…

And I don’t mean the hot, sexy kind of bad boy that women find so alluring.

No, this kind of ‘bad’ is the kind you know you need to run away from. But all too often you don’t realize it’s in him until it’s too late.

He’s broken, in a fundamental way, and there’s little you can do to rehab him.

Heed my advice: Don’t take on pet projects that have a penis attached. They’ll inevitably disappoint you.

Instead, focus on a guy who has enough character that you can work with.

Avoid this guy #2 – Cheating, manipulating guy

The problem with this guy is that he gets his hook in nice and secure before you start to smell what he’s cooking.

He might have sworn to you that he and his girlfriend were “taking a break” – but then you find a mysterious pair of earrings in his car.

Or maybe he says that things are “so bad” between them that the breakup was almost guaranteed.

Key word: Almost.

Let’s be clear about something here: His words will always sound so convincing at first because YOU WANT TO BELIEVE HIM.

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More than likely, you also ignored some warning signs of the would-be cheat, even when you sensed those signals were there.

Many women will do the reverse of what happens in sales.

Let me explain…

Most of us make a buying decision with our emotions, then back it up with logic.

When it comes to these silky-smooth operators, the women tend to feel something wrong in their emotional gut, but then talk themselves back into it with some pretty weak logic.

“Oh, he couldn’t be seeing her – she’s not even in town this month…”

“He’s just out with his buddies this weekend,” she says, putting her phone away for the umpteenth time after checking her messages.

The real lesson here is that you have to keep your intuition engaged the whole time. Don’t let his words sway you if you don’t know enough about him yet.

When you’re in the first 6 to 8 weeks of any relationship, you’re both on probation.

If you detect a whiff – even a faint one – of misdirection or weirdness, you better look deeper, not turn your head.

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I get it – when you meet a guy who at least has a slight amount of passion in him and doesn’t come across like a wuss, you feel like you need to give him more than a fair shake. They’re so rare these days, after all.

But a girl’s gotta keep her eyes open.

Don’t Let Him Into Your Heart #3: Control FREAK

Look, as a former control freak, I know how this one works.

First of all, as a guy, I come across as very confident. And a lot of that confidence started out as bravado stuffed inside a control-freak hard taco shell.

But women ate it up. Because I stood head and shoulders above 90% of the soft, feminized men that often wander the singles savannah.

(To my credit, I was a good man inside, but I had that control thing installed in me by my dad without my permission.)

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But this guy can cause you some major wrecking-ball damage along the way, so be careful.

Some of the stuff he can/will do:

– Manipulate or press your hot buttons about your appearance to control how you feel about yourself at any given moment. When he does this, he can pretty much play you like a puppet if you’re not aware…

– He’ll jack with your self-esteem by pressing buttons about your career. He’ll usually hit that “doubt” button a lot when it comes to your professional decisions…

– He’ll manipulate you by telling you “you’re too sensitive” when something upsets you. Hey, maybe you were, but that’s not a compassionate response from someone who’s supposed to care about your emotional well being…

– Jealousy – this one is really insidious. Because you’ll eat up his attention and interest in you. After all, if he’s feeling that kind of jealousy, you will feel desired somewhere in there. Until he starts wanting to know where you are and who you’re with all the time

The most extreme form of the control freak is the abusive guy, whether it’s verbal or has the potential to get physical.

If you sense that Mr. Perfect has a streak of control in him – keep your eyes open and log it every time you see it.

Remember: Most men are NOT abusive or this whacked.

But you also have to look out for your own best interests, so if you see the signs, assume it’s a problem …until it’s not.

Lose The Loser #4: Immature Guy

They used to call this problem “Peter Pan” syndrome. Where the guy is stuck in boy-man mode.

He might be 43 years old, but he’s still an occasional weekend binge drinker, or he’s always out playing Frat boy with his friends who also have done their best to not grow up.

He’ll lure you in with his spontaneity and sense of adventure. He’ll pull you out of your rut, which is a good thing.

Until it’s not.

Unfortunately, this problem is becoming more of a problem with men these days.

It’s far easier for most men to sit on the couch with a video game than it is to face up to the daily grind and stresses of life.

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To be fair, most men never really got the chance to work out their boyhood fun earlier in life. They got sucked into working to get through college, then expecting that pot at the end of the rainbow when they went out into the workforce.

And then they discovered that what they were sold as a “career” was mostly a sham. And that disappointment led to their extended teenager phase.

Now they need YOU to help kick their ass into gear!

LOVINGLY. Not with nagging or berating because he is where he is.

Yup – the biggest problem with these guys is probably that mother of his who coddled him into Dorito-ville – and that dad who disappeared when he was 6. So he doesn’t need another mom, even if that’s what he seems to need from you.

He needs compassionate support to become a better man.

But even better is to avoid the really immature guys right off the bat. Difficult situations will turn him into a little “girlie man*” – and he’ll leave you hanging.

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(*If my use of the term “girlie man” offended you, you’re probably reading the wrong article, simply put…)

Bounce This Bozo – #5: Raging Ego Guy

Look, it might not sound “enlightened” – but everyone needs an ego.

You need to have a sense of well-being about yourself to function in the world. Very few of us can go live in a monastery meditating away our human condition.

But the Raging Ego Guy is going to be tempting – in the wrong direction. He’ll lure you in with what seems to be rock solid self-confidence.

And gosh knows this is a rare thing today with so many other guys afraid to start a conversation with you for fear of being arrested for harassment.

But this guy’s ego will start to show some flaws. Like his not being able to shut up about all the things he’s done.

He’ll also find ways to turn conversation around to him, and being right all the time.

This guy is a different flavor of narcissist. And that ego he has is actually pretty fragile if you know where the cracks are.

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Just don’t get into the bad habit of compensating by trying to “knock him down a notch.” This kind of method in handling healthier men will actually push them away.

Men need a slightly inflated ego to deal with the blustering and chest-puffing (and day-to-day crap) they have do handle. But if his ego is out of control and impacting your relationship, time to kick him to the curb.

It takes a strong willed woman to manage this guy into a healthy zone. And if you got that, honey – don’t waste your confidence on him.

There – 5 guys you gotta avoid – and how to read them…

Now I also want to warn you about some of the bad advice I see out there all the time. Most of it is about spotting a man with poor character.

Most of these talk about guys like they’re running around with a clever name badge, and they rarely talk about the deeper method of seeing him for who he is.

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Oh, and I’ve got something else for you: Avoid any article that claims there are “27 types of men to avoid.”

I’ve found that most of these articles with huge numbers of “types” are pretty negative slams on men in general. If you follow their tips, you’ll just find yourself interpreting quirks of his into horrible character flaws.

But what you should do is make sure you read the articles that tell you about the 15 kinds of women men should avoid.


Because there you’ll find that they have interesting insights for you to apply to your own life. And yes, I tell men to read all the articles about the “27 types of men” so they can also get the insight they need into themselves.

If you want to know how to really CONNECT with the guys that you know would make a good catch, you have to understand how his mind works. And I’m not talking about the typical why-do-guys-do-this-and-that business.

Sure, that stuff is important – I even covered that here. But you need to go beyond the basic level of understanding guys’ behavior and probe a little DEEPER.

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Most women don’t realize that their partner connects with them in a very specific way. Knowing your man’s connection style (there’s a total of FIVE) will reveal a whole other layer of him that you didn’t know was there.

And it’s easy to miss this completely if you’re not aware of it. But you’ll strike relationship gold once you’ve learned your man’s unique way of connecting with you.

All those excuses keeping him from committing to you will go out the window. You’ll learn what his emotional barriers are so you can skip right over them.

Are you ready to take the first step in creating that unshakable connection with your man? Check out this video presentation to get started TODAY – CLICK HERE…

7 Ways To Save Your Relationship

7 Ways To Save Your Relationship

Someone once said that your love is like oxygen… you don’t really notice when it’s there – but when it disappears, you feel it!

Is your relationship troubled?

Are you wondering if he still loves you?

Do you want to save your relationship, and the love you know is there?

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I want you to have an authentic, loving relationship with a man who deserves you. Because that’s what YOU deserve.

And today I want to show you how to make that happen. Even if he seems like he’s growing cold and distant from you.

Here are 7 strategies to save your relationship – before it’s too late…

How To Save Your Relationship 1: Avoid relationship therapists

Whoah, Carlos! Did you just say what I think you did?

Yes, I did.

For most people, a relationship or marriage therapist is likely to destroy what little there is left in your relationship.

Here’s why:

– Men are naturally resistant to jumping into therapy.

If you make him go to a therapist with you, it will likely push him even further away from you. He’ll dig his heels in and become more resistant.

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Especially if you haven’t really discussed your issues in depth with him alone.

Remember the saying: A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.

Don’t push him hard if you want to keep him. Go easy…

– Couples therapy is usually too little, too late

By the time you both go there, it’s usually past the point where it will make a significant difference. If you’re considering it now, don’t let this scare you.

Even if you committed yourself 100% to the task, you and he would probably not get into an office for a few more months.

And that’s a few months where both of you have basically handed over the work to someone else instead of proactively tackling it right now.

And, to be very honest with you, marriage and couples therapy has a high rate of failure. This can be for a variety of reasons, both good and bad.

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Sometimes people figure out from therapy that they’re not a good match. Others discover that finding someone new is less work than it would take to fix what they have.

But whatever the reason, you need to find the strength within you to take the first steps yourself.

FYI: The best time to see a relationship therapist is BEFORE you actually need one.

How to Save Your Love – Step 2: Be honest

I don’t mean to tell him what you’re thinking. I mean: Talk to yourself for a bit and see if YOU have been perfectly honest about your own part of the relationship.

There’s a theory called: “Contribution Theory”

What this theory says is that each person has at least a small part in any conflict. No matter how tiny. Because we all communicate in ways that can aggravate a conflict.

We ALL have a contribution.

So take a look back on the history of your relationship and open yourself to the possibility that you may have contributed some words or actions that helped create some problems.

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It might have been some neediness on your part, or maybe not giving him the verbal acknowledgement he needed at the time. And from there, things spun a little out of control.

And, no, you might not have been aware of this when it happened.

Doesn’t seem fair, right? But it happens.

And he is just as much a part of this problem, too. You can make some changes right now to be more open, loving, and compassionate. You can’t change him, but you can change you.

How to Revive The Connection – Step 3: Become an Empty Cup

There’s an old story about a student who goes to see a great Zen Master. The student has come to learn from the master. The master invites him to tea and to talk.

So the student sits down and starts to tell the master all about his accomplishments and what he’s learned over the years.

As he’s talking, the teacher starts pouring the tea into the student’s cup. Eventually the cup overflows and tea is soon running all over the table.

“Master!” the student yells. “You’re spilling the tea!”

The Zen master puts the pot down and calmly says:

You are the one who is spilling. Your cup is already full. I would just be wasting my teachings on you, like this tea is wasted. Come back when you are more empty.”

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The student smiles humbly, bows, and leaves. Many years later he would return to study and he became the Zen master.

Even in our relationships, we need to “empty our cup” of all the stuff we think we know. Especially the grievances and negative mojo. (Yes, even I do this in my own marriage.)

This is the stuff that will make it nearly impossible to get past our resentment. Resentment is a force-field that will stop you from really experiencing love in your life.

And that leads us to the next step…

How to Win Him Back – Step 4: Find Which Way Your Compass Points

Common direction is necessary in every single successful relationship.


You have to be heading in a similar direction to get things to work in a relationship. This is because, without that common direction, you’ll be tempted to go your own direction.

And that usually leads to friction and tension as each of you feels more and more distant from the other.

Some things that can create common direction:

– Kids (but not if you are having them to solve your lack of direction, or if either or both of you are not really focused on being good parents.)

– Career alignment

– Shared hobbies

When you’re aligned with your boyfriend or husband, you’ll find that you get past grievances and petty annoyances pretty quick. That’s because you’re heading somewhere, and there’s really no spare time cycles to get caught up in that crap.

This is why there are very few neurotic people in developing countries. They’re so busy surviving each day, they don’t have the room for endless thinking about all the stuff that Just Doesn’t Matter.

And neither should you!

Find your common direction with your man. Make sure he and you both know where you’re going… and then stay the path.

You’d be surprised how close your connection will become when you’re committed to your journey.

How to Make Your Relationship Work – Step 5: Redefine Your Love

Keep in mind that Love – as we sing and celebrate the emotion – is not a NOUN.

Love is a VERB!

It’s not something you have, or possess. It’s something you create from the fabric of your heartstrings, weaving it into an unbreakable connection.

(Didn’t know I was poetic, did you?)

One of the biggest misconceptions of love is that it’s this thing you fall into, and then put up on a shelf to admire. No effort required.

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But the truth is that a relationship requires care and feeding, just like any other living thing would.

Some men think that after you both fall in love, it’s a done deal. You’ve arrived!

Some women think that after you get married, it’s a done deal! Time to coast…

The truth is going to sound like a cliche, but it’s still The Truth:


No relationship worth being a part of can simply put on the cruise control and glide effortlessly into the sunset. You’re going to have to actively work at keeping things loving and positive between you.

Because there is a natural process of ups and downs with love and relationships. And the natural flow of a relationship is that love dwindles and goes out, like a fire that no one fed or maintained.

Don’t be the person sitting in front of the fireplace saying, “FIRST you give me heat, and THEN I’ll throw the wood in!”

Make sure you redefine love so that it WORKS for you.

Remember – Love is a VERB!

Save Your Love – Step 6: Take The Lead

Let me tell you about my friend Janet…

Janet’s husband, Tim, is the kind of guy who takes his wife for granted. He doesn’t listen to her as much as he should.

Tim buys himself all kinds of toys. He spends his weekends in the garage puttering around, tending to his hobbies. His house is a museum of unfinished projects.

His kids barely see him because he’s off acting like a teenage boy who just realized he was an adult. He’s 53 years old.

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But you know what?

Janet is just as guilty of his behavior as Tim is.


Because it’s every woman’s responsibility to hold her man accountable for his promises and his behavior. It’s her responsibility to make him live up to his decisions – just as much as it’s up to him to work on his character.

Men need women to keep us on track and honor our higher selves.

Sometimes this means you have to confront him on his B.S. and tell him to grow up. Let him know that there ARE consequences for taking you for granted.

Without this focus on a man’s actions, we drift off into boy-man behaviors that are ultimately about finding ways to goof off into leisure time.

Make sure he knows that the good times WILL come to an end if he doesn’t man up and do his part of the work in the relationship.

If he isn’t held accountable by you, no one else will do it for you. Not his mommy, his daddy, or anyone else.

And finally…

How to Keep Your Relationship Alive – Step 7: Understand Him

The truth is that in every single man, woman, and couple I’ve ever coached or encountered, the glaring problem between them always came down to not fully understanding the other person’s point of view.

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And even though women are painted as patient, understanding, and compassionate – which they are! – there hasn’t been a single time where I’ve coached a woman who really deeply understood the life, emotions, and motivations of her man.

But when she did finally figure men out, she became the QUEEN of his world.

Because when a man feels UNDERSTOOD – and I mean understood on a level where he embraces her, crying with tears of gratitude –

… when a man feels this kind of “I Get You!” – the relationship not only survived, they THRIVED!

Men do not experience women as really understanding his world. In fact, he often feels that she is just saying she does in order to keep him near her.

He doesn’t feel like a unique man that she loves. He just feels like an accessory to the relationship.

And then, after you’ve absorbed and really LIVED everything I’ve said here, only then can you start to consider the route to a therapist, if that’s where you want to go.

But make sure you’re both putting in the work in advance.

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If you’re looking for effective ways to make a solid effort in your relationship, I suggest trying to understand men’s behavior on a DEEPER level.

Figuring this out will help you better understand why YOUR guy does certain things. You’ll realize why he acts, thinks and talks the way he does – and how to get past his defenses.

More importantly, you’ll also find out how to respond to him and build a stronger connection together. Here’s a video I made that talks about this in detail – CLICK HERE to learn more.