3 Shocking Reasons Guys Like Bitches - Or Do They?

Does it seem like men like 'bitches'? It's not a nice term, but what would you call these women?

What IS a 'bitch', anyway?

Some say it's a woman who has self-respect and doesn’t allow guys to walk all over her.

Well, that's just a person with self-respect and a healthy dose of self esteem. That's not really what a 'bitch' is.

I mean, here you are... a normal woman - female in form and passion...

You probably were told that if you were just like those princesses in the Disney movies, someday your prince will show up, sweep you off your feet, and you'd live happily ever after.

If you're sweet, and nice, and gentle, men will just love you to death.

That didn't happen, so you decided Match.com was going to be your next port of call to find "Mr. Right." But you probably discovered that it's not the field of roses that it's painted. Online dating can be great, if you know what to expect.

But don't expect a fairy tale ending...

Maybe you're a woman who is interested in men, and then when you show a certain level of kindness and warmth, a natural way of expressing affection for you, the same guys tend to withdraw or become distant.

And then, when you decide you're no longer interested in him, YOU give him the cold shoulder, acting disinterested and distant.

Now, all of a sudden, he chases and pursues you - relentlessly. You become this irresistible goddess of white light that he MUST have!

And so your likely assumption is that if he responds like this, he must want to be treated like this.

And more and more it seems like guys are more drawn to this overbearing and stereotypical "bitch" instead.

First of all, let's get OUR definition of Bitch set right up front:

BITCH = Women who treat men badly because that's what men seem to respond to.

• NOT an "empowered woman."
• NOT necessarily a confident, secure, independent woman.

Mostly, she just isn't very nice to guys.

(And there's a subtle undercurrent of 'man-hating' to her as well.)

But wait... is it true that men really want this? We want women who mistreat us?

Well, as I'm about to reveal, the truth will shock you.

Let's jump right into the 3 shocking reasons men love bitches...

Why Guys Like To Chase Bitches - Reason 1: He's got no self-respect

Yes, the unfortunate truth is that one of the big reasons a guy might chase you when you mistreat him is that he's just a low-self-esteem dude.

He doesn't feel very good about himself, so having a woman to command him feels good to him. There's a good chance this guy was brought up in a single-mom household, or one where the man was not very present.

This kind of guy seems very easy-going and relaxed, but a bit too relaxed when it comes to the decision making.

And I hate to say this, but a lot of these guys have associated the "strong love" of a mother who had to play both roles, and didn't always connect with her femininity.

And whether we like it or not, our kids form a lot of their patterns of attachment to the opposite sex from their opposite sex parent.

On many levels, the guy that's attracted to a woman because he wants a "strong female role model" simply lacks any good male role model.

Sure, he'll seem like a "really nice guy" - which is what all your friends and family will say about him. But overall, you're going to find this guy to be a real wuss.

He won't feel attractive to you because he lacks any masculine edge to his personality.

- He'll want YOU to make the decisions...

- He'll want YOU to take the lead...

- He'll do whatever he can to avoid making you mad - always looking for your approval.

And years into a relationship, you'll find that you're with him because you think you SHOULD be with him, or because he's never that much of a bother to have around.

He doesn't mistreat you, sure... but he also lacks any masculine charge that makes sexual attraction work.

Some women take this guy on as a project and give up - they end up losing the attraction for him in a few short years.

Eventually they feel compelled to cheat on him, and wonder where that horrible urge even came from. But it feels like the only way to escape the relationship.

It happens because deep inside these women know that most people wouldn't see why the relationship is unbearable and would probably think of her as being the awful one.

This is a pattern that I've seen, and happens much more frequently than women (or men) ever like to admit happens.

But there's another reason women get drawn into this role...

Sometimes He Wants A Bitch - Reason 2: He thrives on the conflict and contention

Have you ever had a couple that were friends of yours that were always going at it with each other?

You might see them have one loving moment each other (usually when looking back on the past), but the other 99% of the time they are constantly bickering and arguing.

She seems to nag, and he seems to love to bicker back at her. They just love to disagree.

Sometimes they make up just as strong, but most often they just stop bickering and that seems like they're back in love again.

You'll often talk to your friends about them, and someone inevitably says: "Hey - if it works for them..."

BUT...

You suspect on some level that it really doesn't work for them.

It doesn't seem loving, or caring, and definitely not what a relationship should be. There's no glow and no goodwill there.

And you know you want more than that.

Let's face it: Some relationships are just always going to be like throwing gunpowder on an open fire.

The personality quirks and self-esteem flaws of one person rub up against the quirks and flaws of another - and you wind up with sparks every time that ignite the conflict.

This is another case of getting pulled into a dysfunctional dynamic that kills sexual attraction.

But unlike getting involved with the wimpy guy, this relationship can grow and evolve into a healthy and loving one.

And finally we come to the last reason...

Why Do Men Want Bitches? Reason 3 - She Challenges Him.

Most guys need the woman in their life to feel like a challenge.

One guy I know put it like this:

"A woman who is too easygoing is not going to scratch a man's competitive itch. Because, yeah, we want to have a challenge thrown down for us to overcome. It's even in all those fairy tales that women want."

"And you know what? Women even want to see us compete and fight for their love and approval."

And he's right.

Men do need to feel like they've "earned" you. It's an indication of your relative value in the social marketplace.

The really crazy part that we don't like to admit is that this is true in all areas of life. We value those friends most who can be trickier to coordinate schedules with to get together.

They always are a bit harder to connect with. We value the mentors who we have to "earn" the time to be with.

Women even appreciate men more that they had to work hard to "win over."

So men need to feel like they've worked hard to earn you, which also then flows back to him as an accomplishment of sorts.

After all, if he won you, and that means you feel more valuable, and you picked him - that must mean HE has value, too.

Funny how this cycle of self-esteem can sometimes be twisted, huh?

No matter how much we might cry out that "that's not fair" - the fact is that it's the way our minds and our psychology work.

When you were young, did you ever know a kid that would always work hard to be your friend? Always eager, always trying so hard to be likable.

Which - ironically - made him much more UNlikable to you and your friends. Something just seemed kinda... wrong about him.

And the reason is that we naturally distrust anyone that needs us that much because we sense they are NEEDY. They will be an emotional - and possibly a survival - burden.

Hey, no one said this psychology stuff was all fun & games...

But there's an upside to this, too. This is our primal brain screening out the people that we just won't find sexually appealing for very long.

So it's a kind of "fast sorting" routine our brain does that saves us from heartache later on.

So when it comes right down to it, men hunger and crave the challenge. Sometimes it's unhealthy, but most often it's a real need that a woman can give him.

Now the problem with using this "bitch" mindset to challenge a guy is that it's often a facade. It's an illusion created by a woman's elusiveness and apparent disinterest.

It's not built on the healthy side of challenge - where a woman allows a man to prove himself to her.

A healthy challenge also means she doesn't hold him at arm's length to manipulate his affection, but to pace the relationship correctly. A man wants the fruits of victory, and you can help him.

The positive foundation of a "bitch" attitude that works is simply confidence and self-worth.

And it's by possessing those two healthy virtues that a woman never needs to become a "bitch" at all. Or mistreat men.

She merely comfortably asserts herself, without making it too aggressive and masculine. She knows how to enforce her boundaries, without being too angry or vindictive.

In the end, if you're wondering if I endorse this idea of "men love bitches," the truth is that you need to understand what part of a "bitch" a man is attracted to, and why.

If you're strong, resourceful, and compassionate - and you're not dead set on competing with him in your relationship, you've probably got just the right amount of 'bitch' to keep any healthy man happy, and that's what you need to focus on.

Be the best you - because if you're focusing on a quality of your personality solely to attract men, that's probably misplaced energy.

Yours in Perfect Passion...

- Carlos Cavallo

UPDATED 10/2/2021